


Genie in a Bottle

by earlgreytea68



Category: Shenanigans (Original Universe)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 22:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11769429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreytea68/pseuds/earlgreytea68
Summary: “What would you do with those?” asked Elliot.“You’re so cranky,” Caroline told him. “Nicholas and-or Jonah, make Elliot less cranky.”





	Genie in a Bottle

**Author's Note:**

> Ahahahah, and then I got frustrated and wrote a meta thing about these characters finding a genie.

Caroline gasped and said, “We should go _antiquing_!”

Elliot said, “What, like we’re _ninety_?”

Caroline said, “Shut up, this would totally be your aesthetic if _you’d_ come up with the idea.”

Jonah said, “Now, now, children, stop quarreling or I’ll pull this car over right now.”

Which was how they ended up stopped at a random antique store in western Massachusetts.

“I could use a couch,” Nicholas said musingly, examining the sofas on offer.

“We’re in a rented van,” Jane said, and lit a cigarette. “How would we get a couch back to Boston?”

A store worker came over and said to her, “Excuse me, you can’t--”

Jane glared at her and she went scurrying away, and Jane puffed, satisfied, on her cigarette.

Caroline said, “Oooh, look, old postcards.”

“What would you do with those?” asked Elliot.

“You’re so cranky,” Caroline told him. “Nicholas and-or Jonah, make Elliot less cranky.”

“Otherwise occupied at the moment,” said Nicholas, sorting through a box of old doorknobs.

“By all evidence impossible to achieve,” said Jonah absently. “What do you think of this?” He held up an antique smoking jacket.

“Try it on,” said Jane, studying it critically.

“You might get lice,” said Elliot.

“That frisson of danger just provides more _je ne sais quoi_ ,” said Jonah. “Some extra allure. Don’t you think?” He shrugged the smoking jacket on.

Elliot rolled his eyes.

Blake said, “Look what I found!”

It was an Aladdin-looking lamp.

Caroline said, “Maybe it has a genie in it!”

Elliot said, “There’s no such thing.”

Jonah said, “Elliot, you must regularly slay all your dates with your love of magic and moonlight.”

Elliot rolled his eyes again.

Nicholas said, “No, seriously, I really like this couch.”

***

At Blake’s weekly-monthly party, the Aladdin lamp took pride of place. Blake built the entire party around it.

Jonah said, “This feels vaguely racist to me. Is it?”

Nicholas said, “Only vaguely?”

Caroline squealed with glee. “Is this in tribute to my genie lamp?”

“It’s not a genie lamp,” said Elliot. “It doesn’t have a genie.”

“How do you know?” said Caroline.

“Yeah, Elliot, maybe no one’s rubbed it the right way yet,” said Jonah.

Nicholas said, “If genies were real, what would you wish for, Caro?”

Caroline said, “To be a famous photographer.”

“You can’t just ask it for what you _want_ ,” said Elliot. “Haven’t you read any story about a genie ever? You have to be tricky about it.”

“What would you wish for, Elliot?” asked Jonah.

“I wouldn’t tell you,” sniffed Elliot.

“Scared I’d steal your wish?”

“No, scared it wouldn’t come true.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in wishes,” Caroline reminded him.

“I _don’t_ ,” said Elliot. “But if I _did_ , I would be smart about it.”

“That’s our Elliot,” said Jane. “Always hedging his bets against the vast unknown.”

Elliot said, “What does _that_ mean?”

“That you always hedge your bets against the vast unknown,” Jane repeated, and blew a smoke ring at him.

“You should really vape,” Elliot said.

“What would you wish for, Nicholas?” asked Jonah.

“More alcohol,” Nicholas said.

“Ah, Nicholas, as impenetrable as ever,” said Jonah.

Nicholas lifted an eyebrow.

Elliot said, “And what does _that_ mean?”

Caroline said, “I think we are getting way off-topic.”

“What was the topic?” asked Jane.

“Whether or not the lamp has been rubbed the right way yet.”

“Who should rub the lamp?” asked Jonah. “Who here is an expert at rubbing?”

“You, obviously,” said Elliot. “Stop fishing for compliments about your sexual prowess and just rub the lamp already.”

“Aw, Elliot, do you have compliments for my sexual prowess?” asked Jonah.

“Can we just rub the lamp?” asked Caroline. “And be done with your weird alpha male posturing?”

“It’s like watching a nature documentary,” said Jane.

“If I rub the lamp, I get the wishes, and I don’t want the wishes,” said Jonah. “Caroline, you should rub the lamp, you want the wishes.”

“I think Nicholas should rub the lamp,” Caroline decided. “He’s going to med school, he’ll make wise wish decisions.”

Nicholas shrugged a little. “But what if I have everything I want already?”

“ _Really_ , Nicholas?” said Jonah.

“Hey,” Nicholas said defensively, “you didn’t want the wishes either.”

Blake said, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, I’ll rub the lamp.”

And then he rubbed the lamp.

And then a fucking genie came out of it.

“Fuck,” said Elliot. “ _Really_?”

Jane said, “Blake, what did you put in the drinks?”

Caroline said, “Everyone owes me _so hard_. I just want you to know that. I’m never going to stop saying ‘I told you so.’”

“Blake,” said Jonah, “whatever are you going to wish for?”

The genie frowned and said, “What makes you think I’m that kind of genie?”

“The kind that grants wishes?” said Jonah.

“What other kinds are there?” asked Caroline.

“The kind that thinks you guys are a _fucking mess_ ,” said the genie emphatically.

Caroline said, “ _What_?”

Jane said, “Fuck you.”

Nicholas said, “Fair point.”

Jonah said, “Spot-on.”

The genie pointed at both of them and said, “And you two are a massive part of the problem.” Then he pointed at Elliot. “You’re more fucked up than they are. But only just barely.”

“What the fuck,” said Elliot. “What kind of genie--”

“Listen up,” said the genie, sounding bored. “I’m not granting any wishes.”

“You can...you can just _do_ that?” said Nicholas.

“Hell yeah,” said the genie. “I am my own boss. I work when I want, where I want. I am living the dream.”

“You’re a genie,” said Elliot. “Aren’t you practically a dream already?”

“You.” The genie pointed at him. “Stop making quips and start thinking about saying things you mean. And then I think you’ll find out that you don’t know what the fuck you mean. This is why I’m not granting any wishes. None of you would even know what the fuck to wish for, because none of you know what you fucking _want_. Wake me up when you figure it out. Probably a thousand years from now.” And the genie vanished back into the lamp.

Elliot demanded, “What the actual fuck was that?”

Jane said, “I am not being lectured by a _genie_.”

Elliot said, “Fuck all of this, let’s just play beer pong.”

It was a unanimous decision.

  
  
  
  



End file.
